


At length

by NastyaY



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternative End, Episode 19, Episode Tag, F/M, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 02:29:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11198571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NastyaY/pseuds/NastyaY
Summary: Coulson stops being a jerk and apologizes to May at length.





	At length

**Author's Note:**

> Because there is no way Coulson just said "I was hoping you'd come back' and they made up. I need this scene!

 

«And don’t tell me it’s because you _care so damn much_! Fury is no longer around telling you what to do so why are you here? You want some orders to follow? Follow mine or find somewhere else to be».

As soon as he said this, he realized that he stepped over some invisible line. This was it. He may have just lost her forever. Her face looked utterly heartbroken, though, of course, she tried to hide it. What the hell was he thinking? This is May, _Melinda_ , for God’s sake! She never opens up to anyone, let alone speaks about her feelings so openly. « _You mean a lot to me, a lot…»_ From her, this sounded almost like a confession. No, he’d better not go down that road. The only feelings she has for him is friendly devotion, nothing romantic or love-like. Damn it, she basically admitted this, out in the open, plainly and he threw these words into her face, the worst way ever possible. Stupid selfish fool! May has always had his back, no matter what. Even such psychopath as Garrett noticed it. « _I know you’d follow him to the grave»_. And what did he do? He screwed this friendship, one of the most precious things in his life, to the point of no return. What a great friend he is, treating her like a traitor, even after the polygraph cleared her, pretending that they are _allies_ (how ridiculous). He won’t be surprised if after what he did this is what they’ll become, _allies_ instead of friends and partners. How ironic would that be!

God, what has he done? He even _shot_ May, when she was without any weapon, instead of talking and finding out the truth. He was so hurt that she did all this behind his back that it never even occurred to his how she had been feeling all this time. Being shot, then handcuffed (another great idea of his), being called and thought of as a traitor, ally, humiliated in every possible way. And all this for what? For trying to save his skin, for taking the assignment to kill him if necessary, for not letting him go and for being the best, most selfless and devoted friend ever. « _But I didn’t do it for Fury, I did it for you to protect you!»_ How could he have been so blind and selfish? He will never make it up to her. That is if she even agrees to listen to him. He deserves getting his ass kicked. And this wouldn’t be enough for all he did to her. God, he doesn’t deserve her friendship, not a bit of it. Even so, he needs to make it up to her, at least to try and _apologize at length._ Right now, enough of this rambling. It is time to bring his friend back.

***

A knock on bunk’s door caught May off guard. She was packing up, almost ready to leave. She opened the door and didn’t even hide her surprise to see Phil standing there.

-May I come in?

She stepped back and stood next to the wall, arms crossed and puzzled. What was he doing here? He can’t have changed his mind so fast. Did something else happen? Phil was about to start talking, plucking up all the courage he had when he saw a packed bag.

-What are you doing, May?

-Finding somewhere else to be. -She was surprised to hear how bitter and hurt she sounded. Usually, she excelled at concealing her emotions. This was _too personal._ Honestly, he did not see that coming. Of course, he said _those exact words_ , but he didn’t expect that May would leave now. This was even worse than he thought. He has to stop her, or he _will lose her forever._

-About that. – He came a little closer to her and she involuntarily flinched. _God, what had he done?_

-I want to apologize to you, _at length_. I acted like a jerk. I…

-There is no need to apologize. I’m just your ally.

He stepped closer and put his arm on her shoulder.

-That’s not true. You are not an ally, you are my _friend, my partner.-_ He tried to look her in the eyes, but she avoided his stare.

 -Say something, _please_. May, I… I know that I let you down, that I betrayed you and our friendship, I’m so sorry, I know that you may not forgive me, but I don’t wanna lose you. _You mean a lot to me_ _._

He was hoping that these words would wake something inside her, convince her that he meant all of it, that he was sincere, but they somehow made her angry. She stepped aside and shook his arm off her shoulder.

-How could you think that I was a _traitor_ , Phil? You knew that I would _never betray you_! You don’t _trust_ me. After everything that we’ve been through, you still _don’t trust me_. – She sounded hurt and offended. – I don’t regret doing all this. Even if I had the chance I wouldn’t change anything. If keeping this from you meant that you stayed alive and well then that’s what I would do anyway. I understand your pain and anger about this secret but thinking that I am _Hydra_ is way out of line. I thought that we were _partners, friends_. I guess I was wrong. I would always have your back, but you couldn’t do the same for me. I don’t know where that leaves us.

Phil was listening quietly, not interrupting. He knew that if _May_ talked this _long_ , the situation was serious. He actually may have lost her. There was only one thing left to do now: confess everything. No more secrets. She deserved to know it all.

- _Melinda_. – He rarely used her first name, doing it now showed her how concerned he was. - I trust you with my life. You are the most precious thing that I have. The reason that I behaved like a bastard is that you are not just a _friend_ to me. You are so much more than that. - At these words, May’s eyes widened but she said nothing. - When you said that _I mean a lot to you_ I became angry and pissed because this sounded like a love confession. But I knew that you didn’t love me, not the way I do, and all this overwhelmed me. I felt betrayed by your actions, angry that you didn’t have the same feelings for me that I have for you, all this time I let myself feel like I was a victim when in fact you were the one suffering the most.

May looked confused, a glimmer of hope shining in her eyes. _The feelings that he has for her_?

– What are you saying, Phil?

Phil sighed. There was no coming back.

-I’m saying that _I love you_. -May’s expression changed, utter surprise and amazement written on her face. -I have been in love with you for a very long time, almost since we started going on missions together. I tried to get rid of this feeling, I knew that it wasn’t mutual, you are so beautiful and charming and amazing and you dated a lot of guys. Then you met Andrew and you two got married and I felt so guilty about loving a married woman but still, I couldn’t get over you. Then Bahrain happened and everything changed, except for my feelings. I realize that it is not what you would like to hear, that I don’t deserve you and your friendship, but I _need_ you, May. _Melinda,_ I  just want to be your friend, I know that you don’t love me back, that’s fine, I hope that we can still be friends, right?

This time May interrupted him. - You are wrong. - Phil’s heart fell. He did lose her, after all. She didn’t even want to be his friend anymore. She stepped closer.

\- My words meant exactly what you thought. -Phil’s eyes widened, his heart beating in his chest loudly. They were standing mere inches apart from each other. May put one hand on his nape and the other one on his chest. – _You mean a lot to me_ means that _I love you_ , you dork. -She smiled self-consciously, pulled him closer and kissed him, slowly and tenderly, expressing the mix of feelings she was now experiencing, showing her love for him that she had been concealing for so many years. Phil leaned into her, pressing her close to him and holding her on the waist. He couldn’t believe that he was this lucky. _Melinda May_ loved him back. After some time they parted, breathless but happy. May smirked.

-You know that you’ll have to make it up to me for all this time, right? _At length_.


End file.
